I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
MIDGETS
????
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
