I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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