oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
