just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
