so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
