then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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