If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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