UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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