I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
