Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
