I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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