just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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