she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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