yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Enjoy the penises
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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