I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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