No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
