Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
