Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
