Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
