Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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