Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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