So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We have started to decorate penises.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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