I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
