Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
