return my video game
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
