Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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