there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
