Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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