I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
