You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
