you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
