wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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