I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
