my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
