i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
