Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
