This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
