if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
