So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
