When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
