I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
