ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
