okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
