woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This can only be settled by a dance off.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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