dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
