Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this boner is exhausting
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
