I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
