I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
