Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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