Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
