ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
